"When I go into the garden with a spade, and dig a bed, I feel such an exhilaration and health that I discover that I have been defrauding myself all this time in letting others do for me what I should have done with my own hands." ~Ralph Waldo Emerson "The best place to seek God is in a garden. You can dig for him there." ~George Bernard Shaw I haven't written in here in some time--I've been living a full life and find myself in bed early, exhausted after every long day. However, it's been about a year since I first got involved with X-man, and so some of the memories and thoughts are coming up and I thought it would be good to track where I am now, how I continue to find peace with the shattered relationship through embracing life fully, through having a love affair with myself. My newest passion is my vegetable and herb garden. Even though I planted most of it before the crazy hail storm, it seemed the hail didn't come down on this block, so my tomatoes, zucchini, and herbs were safe. A couple of weeks later, I added more herbs, eggplant, squash, honeydew, and beans. There was a young watermelon plant, but it was quickly devoured by tiny slugs. However, I haven't seen any more slugs since then. The dirt I'm planting in is rich--old flower beds full of dark earth and worms. I've never had my very own garden before. I remember a boyfriend and I had a garden fifteen years ago, but it was really his garden and I was the support gardener. Before and after that, it seemed I couldn't even keep a cactus alive, though I desperately wanted to have the green thumb of my mother. Every morning, I walk out the front door to check on my babies--the plants in my garden. I examine each plant for new leaves and blossoms. I've been told that talking to plants really helps nurture them, so I say a brief hello--and thank them for providing for me so amply. The garden helps me live in time. And I still need time, I'm still like a seed that doesn't want to come up, that wants to stay under the dark soil, when it comes to romance and my heart. So maybe I need to learn to water my heart, say hello and thank you to my heart, so it will come into the sunshine and open up its leaves, will bloom and make fruit, for me. I will await these harvests.